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Sunday, June 14, 2009

Missing Maternity Gauchos--Reward Offered!!



Missing since the week of June 8th. Last seen on a pair of amply-sized, slightly cellulite-ridden pregnant-lady thighs. (OK, maybe not *slightly* cellulite-ridden. You got me.) Size Medium Liz Lange for Target. Lovingly cherished and will be eternally missed if not recovered.

What's that you say? Maybe if I actually *washed* the 17 loads of laundry climbing up the wall in the bedroom? What's that you say? Maybe if I folded, sorted, and put away the 6 loads of laundry residing in a crumpled, wrinkly heap on the guest room bed? What's that you say? Maybe if I actually organized the mountains of maternity pants spilling over the top shelf of my closet and threatening to fall to the (*GASP*) no-man's-land crevasse of my closet floor? Maybe I'd find them then, you say?

Maybe, friend, maybe. But I think something much more sinister is going on here.

Scenario 1: Chris, appalled at the thought that I may actually pack aforementioned gauchos in our Creation luggage and (*double GASP!) wear them in public, has stealthily snuck them from Mt. Maternity Pants in my closet, cut them into small, unidentifiable pieces, and mixed it in with the chicken feed.

Scenario 2: Evie, appalled at the thought that I may actually pack aforementioned gauchos in our Creation luggage and (double GASP!) wear them in public, has stealthily stolen them from the dirty laundry pile (brave girl!), wadded them into a small, unidentifiable mass, and stowed them underneath the mounds of baby clothes that have yet to be sorted and put away for the new baby. (She, of course, being a smart girl, knows that said baby clothes probably won't get sorted and put away until AFTER the baby's arrival, thus squelching the need for maternity gauchos. At least that's what I'm hoping.)

No matter the circumstances regarding their disappearance, their swift return is fervently desired. No questions asked.

Maybe some questions. Like, why in the world would you steal my most beloved article of clothing?! What kind of sadistic individual are you?!

Oh, and there won't actually be a reward. I'm pretty sure that they were only $12.99 or something, so I'd really be messing up that profit margin. HOWEVER, there WILL be a reward offered if you want to come and wash the 17 loads of laundry climbing up the wall in my bedroom, fold/sort/put away the 6 loads of laundry residing in a crumpled, wrinkly heap on the guest room bed, and organize the mountain of maternity pants spilling over the top shelf of my closet. But it probably won't be much more than $12.99.

5 comments:

Gretchen said...

I wish I was there to help you!
(Actually, I wish Katie was there to help you. I hate doing laundry. Even when it's not my own.)
Hope you find them!

scpreacherspice said...

You are too funny. If we get the church in PA, I'll come to help you - but that probably won't be til after the baby comes - it definitely won't be til after Creation - so can't help you find the gauchos til it's too late for you to wear them in public there - and no, neither Chris nor Evie have paid me to delay my offer of help.

Melody Strayer said...

Connie, what area are you looking at in PA?

nanajobx said...

you want me to look at hotline for you :)

btw. love that new pic of you and evie at the top of your page

Kristin said...

Hey! So you're at the hospital...havin' a baby. Nothing big or anything. Haha I hope everything goes super well! Evie is going to be such a good big sister! If you need help with that wash, I can sneak to your house and help do it. My mom told me I'm not allowed near Chris right now because she doesn't want to get sick. =) Let me know when you're home!