This week, we received the stunning news that our dear friends had lost their son/grandson to suicide.
He was 12.
My brain shut off; it was too much to comprehend. Even now, a few days out, I keep remembering this sweet boy and thinking, "Surely not, Lord. Surely not."
Chris went up to be with our friends for a bit. I stayed home with the girls and struggled to come up with words to put in a card.
We Christians are full our our trite little tidbits, aren't we?
"He's in a better place now. He's not hurting anymore."
"He's an angel now..."
"We'll all be reunited one day."
"God works in mysterious ways."
Etc. Etc. Ad nauseum.
I am not begrudging Christians their religious trifles. Because really... what do you say? "Sorry about your kid. Here's some ziti; it freezes well"??
This situation 150% sucks. There is nothing that I can do or say, no amount of sympathy or ziti that will change the fact that this 150% sucks.
I was not close to this small man, but I still find my faith shaken, my mind whirring with thoughts about the sovereignty of God. About the kindness of God. About heaven. About the fall of man and the curse of death.
And here's what I have come up with:
I don't know why God allows tragedies like this to happen. I don't know how He will redeem this to glorify Himself. I don't know how a family can begin to move ahead after something like this. I don't know about free will and predestination and lights at the end of tunnels.
Here's what I do know to be true:
We are not forsaken. (Deut. 31v6)
We are not forgotten. (Isa. 49v15)
We are helped. (Isa. 41v10)
We are heard. (Psalms 86v7)
God is near. (Deut. 4v7)
For right now, I cling to this... as I cry out for mercy for this family.
For right now, I trust the one who stores our tears in a bottle.
For right now, it's enough. It's gonna have to be.